Straight out of news of the weird

So, maybe a month or so ago Kristi was sitting shotgun in the morning while Oscar was driving and they basically chatted the whole ride south. I couldn't sleep and I think they were loud because I distinctly remember hearing Kristi saying something like, "Man, I'd like to see some nature today. You know, like a big Sasquatch or something." At the time I remember thinking that's kind of funny, but maybe not worth a blog post. I tell you this because yesterday the Sasquatch reared it's ugly big foot again. The moral here is, it's always worth blogging.

The story goes, I forgot my ipod at work yesterday and was sitting in the back row of the van chatting with Alison and Trent who were sitting in the middle row. At some point in our conversation (which went on forever) I realized that Kristi and Sara (sitting in the first row) were talking, and from the looks of it I was potentially missing something blogworthy. This concern was confirmed for me when I heard this from Kristi: "So, they've been seeing a whole lot more of these types of droppings recently. And, I don't know if it's like Sasquatch or if it's not real. Cause, you know, my son's father has actually seen Sasquatch, so that's real." Awesome.

The thing is, because Alison and Trent were talking I don't actually know what Kristi and Sara were talking about. However, I'm sure of the following: 1) Kristi believes in Sasquatch, 2) she also believes that there is some other cryptid migrating from Canada to the Pacific Northwest. Anyone have any idea what type of creature she could be talking about?

There were points during the ride when I wanted to shush Alison and Trent so that I could listen to Kristi. Of course, sometimes when I'm listening to my ipod I take out the earpieces if I think that Kristi is saying something wacky.

On a pretty unrelated note, Kristi's been wearing what can only be described as sewn together cloche-type do-rags. I've been waiting to post this while trying to find a picture on the web, but I just can't find one so I'll do my best in describing it. She's got a few of them, all of them are either plain pastel colored or pastel camo patterned. I guess what I mean by cloche-type is that they gather at the nape of the neck, and are sewn together there. I say do-rag, because they're cotton t-shirt material. That's the best I can do to describe them. They're pretty bizarre; I have no idea where you get one, but I think I love them (for Kristi, I'm not looking for any gifts here).

Won singular sensation?

I just don't get this. First of all, I would never have expected Jim to be a joke leader (his usual style is to repeat someone else's joke immediately after they've said it all the while laughing). But, after his debut of the whole Won & Theiu sound like one & two joke a couple weeks ago the joke has developed into an entire genre of Won & Theiu sound like one & two jokes that everyone (save me, it seems like) finds hilarious. Seriously, every afternoon for a while now I've had to listen to a whole repertoir of "we have to pick up Won but not Theiu", or "we have Theiu but no Won".

The arc of this "joke" typically starts out with a discussion of who was on the van on any given morning and who we still have to pick up (since we have to make special trips to pick up both Won & Theiu at their individual stops). Then, typically Jim or Fred will make the "Won but not Theiu" or "both Won & Theiu but not three or four". Finally, Fred will leave the number comparison behind will usually resort to a really bad play on words, like "I think we should listen to some Theiuns" or "I wont (prounced like want or the name Won plus t sound) some air conditioning".

I just don't get these jokes. I mean I get them, their names are hominyms for one and two (and to and too). But, I don't really get why everyone seems to find them so funny. I, frankly, find them irritating, which is weird because I love both stupid jokes and stupid jokes that involve plays-on-words. Sometimes I wonder (or Won-der, if you will) if it's that I'm sensitive to jokes about names, or something. But, really, I just think it's probably more likely that they're just not funny.

All I can say is, thank god we don't have anyone on the van with the names First or Second, because it would be Won (now I'm finding it fun) big Abbot & Costello ride every afternoon to Seattle.

you're so vain...

I've noticed that when I sit directly behind the driver that I tend to stare at myself in the rear view mirror. Weird, right? Seriously, I'll realize that I'm looking at myself, look away and then find I'm making eye contact with myself 5 or 10 minutes later. Normally I don't consider myself a particularly vain person, but I guess there's more vanity there than I thought. Feel free to call me Narcissus.

In my defense, every time I find myself looking at her in the mirror, she's staring right back at me.

And, because I can't help myself, here's every mirror-related joke I came up with, but didn't add to the text of this message:

• I'm starting with the [wo]man in the mirror
• Mirror, mirror on the [windshield]
• There's that lady who follows me everywhere. (Side note: this is the sort of thing I say to my niece & nephews when they see their reflections.)
• You're pretty. No, you're pretty. No, you're pretty. No, you're pretty.
  

Smell you later...

So, there are basically three smells on the van:

1. High school gym - that strange combination of body odor, dirty clothing and moisture
2. Leftover ketchup - i.e. ketchup that has been left out on a plate at least overnight, but probably longer, now has a film over it and the odor has taken on a life of its own
3. A combination of menthol cigarettes and that pink powdered soap that some high schools have in their facilities

I feel strongly that I am not responsible for any of these smells.

Interestingly, the worst of these is the cigarette and powdered soap combo. It really turns my stomach. Unfortunately, the smells seem to be seasonal. The ketchup smell lingered through the fall and winter, but now I'm suffering through the spring of my olfactory discontent (via smoke & soap).

Spring is finally in the air, people, and that's not necessarily good news. Here's looking forward to summer, which should transport me back to basketball games and spirit assemblies.

*I almost titled this entry "I smell sex and candy here", but frankly both of those would be preferable odors.